Anguished Cries of Youth

The following essay was published in the Syracuse Post Standard on October 13, 2002. At the time, it seemed there was an epidemic of violence taking the lives of teenage boys. After nearly twenty-three years, it is saddening and troubling to realize not much has improved for many youth in America, boys and girls. If anything, the various forces that threaten the safety and well being of our youth have only increased and expanded. While some of the references in the essay may be outdated, the core theme and actions recommended for stemming the tide are as relevant as ever.

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"Wake up!" are words screamed through tears over the slain bodies of our young men. For those who will hear, they are also the words whispered by the bullets and blades that pierce the very air we breathe. As violence escalates in the streets of Syracuse and its suburbs, we scramble to make sense of it and to find solutions.

Youth Violence Street Memorial

There are many among us who wonder, with all of our technology and tolerance, opportunity and opulence, free love and limitless liberties, re-engineering and restructuring, how we have come to this place of volatility and gun-wielding violence.

Some blame the availability of guns and want tighter legislative restrictions on gun ownership. Yet there was a time in our nation when most boys had guns, and many would bring them to school, so they could go hunting when school let out. Something else is to blame. In fact, something terribly wrong is happening to our boys.

For the last three decades, our society has concentrated on the discrimination, sexual harassment and disrespect of girls. We needed to focus there and take steps to address those issues. Work is still needed.

But a groundswell of social scientists now warns of a crisis among males greater than anything we have seen. Many young men find a way to cope, but far too many are drifting away in a sea of social pressures and forces that boys in previous generations did not have to face. Evidence of the crisis is significant and startling. Compared to girls, boys are now:

• Six times more likely to have learning disabilities.

• Four times more likely to be diagnosed as emotionally disturbed.

• Twelve times more likely to murder.

• At greater risk for schizophrenia, autism, sexual addiction, alcoholism, bed wetting, and antisocial/criminal behavior.

In addition, five times as many boys as girls under the age of 14 kill themselves. Young men under the age of 25 represent 80 percent of our suicides. The number of African-American, adolescent boys taking their own lives has increased 165 percent over the past twelve years. 90 percent of those in drug treatment programs and 95 percent of those involved in juvenile court are boys.

The impact is far-reaching. The percentage of boys in graduate-level professional education is dropping. Girls are now twice as likely to say they want to work in management, the professions or business. The evidence that hits closest to home, of course, is on our streets and almost daily reported on the front pages of The Post-Standard: Violence.

"Don't leave me!" are other words cried through tears over the slain bodies of our young men. The bullets and blades are whispering those words, too. Social scientists, educators, clergy, human service professionals and others have been warning us for years. One way or another, our boys are going to tell us too, "Don't leave me!"

It used to be thought that the developmental problems of youth stemmed primarily from poverty and discrimination. Now it is clear that the disintegration of the traditional American family, founded on Judeo-Christian principles, is having a devastating impact on our young people, especially boys.

"Code Blue" was the name given to a special commission of child development experts that evaluated the general health of America's adolescents in the 1990's. Its conclusion: "Never before has one generation of American teenagers been less healthy, less cared for, or less prepared for life." We did not listen. Today, only 34 percent of our nation's children live with both biological parents through age 18, and 72 percent of mothers with children younger than 18 are employed.

This disengagement of parents means that nobody is home. While similar research data mounts, we need only listen to what the bullets and blades are telling us. It is precisely the absence or noninvolvement of fathers that leaves boys the big losers.

William Pollock, Harvard psychologist and author of Real Boys, argues that divorce is tough on all children, but it is devastating for males. He cites the father's absence and unavailability to teach what it means to be a man as a leading factor in that devastation. Without the guidance and direction of a father, a boy's frustration often leads to varieties of violence and other antisocial behavior.

The executives at a certain greeting card company would agree. They decided to do something special for Mother's Day. At a federal prison, they set up a table and invited any interested inmates to send a free Mother's Day card to their moms. The response was so overwhelming, that the company's representatives had to send out for more cards. The effort was so successful that the company decided to offer the same program for Father's Day. Not one prisoner showed up. Not one inmate felt the need to send a card to his dad. Many had no idea who their fathers were.

Ironically, as though we want to fuel those frustrations, our popular culture effectively promotes violence and socially destructive behavior. While we race to remove every last godly influence from the lives of our children, we allow them to drink from the toilet of immorality and violence.

The American Medical Association, the American Academy of Pediatrics, the American Psychological Association, and the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry have linked violence in television, music, video games, and movies to increasing violence among children.

In a joint statement, those organizations declared that the effects of this unimpeded access to violence are measurable and long-lasting, and "prolonged viewing of media violence can lead to emotional desensitization toward violence in real life." Could they be overstating the problem? No. The American Psychological Association estimates that the average child will see 8,000 murders and 100,000 other violent acts before graduating from elementary school. The rest of what is in the toilet is not helping either.

For example, according to the American Academy of Pediatrics, the average child is subjected each year to 14,000 sexual references on television and $2 billion worth of alcohol ads in other media. The toilet is overflowing, and no one is home to fix it. Despite years of warnings, despite history's lessons, despite endless research, cavalier attitudes toward premarital sex and pregnancy, infidelity, divorce, cohabitation, and absentee dads run rampant.

Here in Syracuse, we want solutions to the violence on our streets, but do we have the moral outrage necessary to do anything about it? Over the last few decades, as a community and a nation, we have not demonstrated the necessary moral outrage with the things that are happening to our families and our children.

Now is the time, if we still can. Now is the time to consider how we, as individual adults, conduct our own lives. It is precisely the way we conduct our own lives that is the most influential message we send to our children.

Of course, such a viewpoint will not be popular. It means that if we really want to change things, we may have to give up something. We may have to reconsider whether the popular belief that it is up to each individual to determine what is right or wrong is really helping us. We may want to question our national mind-set: "if it feels good, do it."

We can make ourselves aware of the filth and violence that is being marketed to our children. If necessary, we can remove the television and Internet from their bedrooms. We can screen what fills their minds and hearts through various mediums (in the name of free speech). In their heart of hearts, they want us to.

If we have to, let's put a hammer through our TV screen rather than allow our children to watch popular shows like MTV, which brags about the way it is brainwashing our children with shows like "Jackass" and twisted adolescent characters like Johnny Knoxville.

If we have to, we do not have to give our children money to buy any CD they want, at least without approving which lyrical message can repeatedly be drummed into their minds.

We might want to use the plunger on the hundreds of songs, such as Korn's "My Gift To You," released in CD that sold more than 2 million copies. Consider its lyrics: "Your throat, I take grasp -- can you feel the pain? Then your eyes roll back -- can you feel the pain? Your heart stops beating -- can you feel the pain? Black orgasms -- can't you feel the pain? I kiss your lifeless skin -- can't you feel the pain? There you are my precious with your broken soul."

We can find a way to share meals with our children. Dr. Blake Bowden of Cincinnati Children's Hospital Center conducted a study that involved surveying 527 teenagers to learn about the relationship between their home life and their mental health and adjustment. Not surprisingly, adolescents whose parents ate dinner with them at least five times per week were the least likely to use drugs, be depressed, or break the law. They also performed better in school.

It did not matter where the families ate their meal. Those who ate at fast-food restaurants with their parents did just as well. There is nothing magical about the food. But something wonderful happens in the lives of young people when their parents have time every day for conversation and interaction.

We can find out what life is like for our children in school. We can read their textbooks and ask a million questions. We can get to know their teachers, who will have a profound influence on them, and find out what our teachers are teaching, what they stand for. We can find out what life is like on the way to and from school and, if necessary, become morally outraged enough to protect our children from what would defile and devour them.

The honorable men of Syracuse and its suburbs can step forward to help our community's single mothers. Against all odds, they have been carrying the load for too long, especially with our boys. A single mother can and must do everything in her power to place her son under the influence of a good and honorable man. Even a single hour a week can have a profound impact. Getting him involved in programs at community-based organizations where good and honorable men and women are waiting to help can literally save his life.

Louis Harris & Associates surveyed thousands of Boys & Girls Club alumni from around the country. Eighty percent of the respondents said that Club staff taught them right from wrong, and 52 percent said that participating in the Club literally saved their life.

Huntington Family Centers, Catholic Charities, Spanish Action League, Salvation Army, Big Brothers/Big Sisters, YMCA, Boy Scouts, Dunbar Association, Jewish Community Center, and others can also fill deep voids, the kinds of voids boys look to gangs to fill.

Fathers and mothers are essential. We can stop being afraid to restore those Godly influences that have been ripped from the lives of our children. We must restore them in a way that is "real, relevant and significant" to our children, and to us.

A word of caution. A lot of what is presented here makes it sound as though parents have to find a way to overcome all the things that undermine their authority and "lay the law down," or re-establish some rules. That will not work unless we first build a relationship with our children. As one author put it, "Rules without relationship lead to rebellion."

Taking steps to protect our young people from harmful or immoral behavior may backfire if we do not first build the emotional closeness that makes them want to do the right thing. Our children must know that we love them unconditionally and that the things we demand of them are for their own good.

The best time to begin this relationship building is early in our children's life, but that does not mean that we should give up on our teens.

This project will not require a lot of money. Spending time together as a family, laughing, joking, talking over dinner, playing games, studying together -- there are thousands of ways. Creating and hanging on to simple family traditions that bring special meaning to family time can lead to a lifelong bond with our children.

By Chris Basher

Executive Director, Boys & Girls Clubs of Syracuse

October 13, 2002